Pensees: Service Announcement: Theological Struggle Needed

I know it looks like “romper-room” over here, but looks can be deceiving. Actually we as a movement are in complete control of everything we do. It only looks like we’ve gone completely nuts! Pardon us while we work through a little civil war. We’re working through theological issues. In the past we’ve fought over women’s clothing, hair length and style, TV, movies, eating ham, small groups, and of course forms of worship and the like. This time we’re actually wrestling over doctrine. This is kind of new for some of us so please be patient with us. This is kind of like a “movement-wide” nervous break-down. Yes, it’s true none of us believe in taking medicine for such episodes, neither do we drink. That means you’ll have to be more patient than if this happened amongst you evangelicals. Don’t worry about us though…..we’ve had these little “civil wars” lots of times! We actually like fighting each other. It’s what we’re gifted at. Some of you may not understand all of this. Let me help you with a little history lesson.

You Evangelicals…your fathers being “more loving” than our spiritual fathers accused us in Fundyville as being “brain-dead.” Our spiritual fathers accused your spiritual fathers of being compromisers. After a few decades of that, we ran out of targets so we actually started to accuse each other of compromise. As you can see that tact has been very effective. Our movement has shrunk probably three or four times. This means we’ve been succesful (Remember Giddon….that actually is an allegory on how the more “Godly sort” will always be the smaller group!) No it’s true…we fundamentalists have never been closer.

Now I know that for the last week or so we’ve not been calling you names. This probably has been as disconcerting to you as it has to us! Worry not my friends. Please know within a month “the powers that be” (The Fundamentalist Illuminati…our version of the Mafia) will decide our little civil war will end. When this happens leaders from different parts of the movement will look for a handy target to bring fundamentalists back together again. That’s were you come in. You’re that handy target. We will resume our fighting with you in which case we will start throwing things back in your direction (rocks, spears, arrows, etc…). This will give both you and us much peace….knowing that we will resume the fighting between we fundamentalists and you evangelicals. I mean if we stopped fighting the Kingdom would probably be here. Who wants that?

This has been a service announcement.