Pensees: Phil Again’s Island

Phil Again’s Island

“Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,

a tale of a fateful trip.

That started from this tropic port,

aboard this tiny ship.”

You have to be conversant with the Phil Johnson cartoon at SharperIron.org for this to make any sense to you. Once you have familiarized yourself with the Dead Right One and Two speeches from Phil Johnson and the ensuing debates, this still won’t make sense to you. But it’s my way of recording my thoughts about Phil Johnson’s workshop at the Shepherds Conference.

Phil Again’s Island

Phil again. And now, he’s got an island. Yep, for the second year in a row Phil Johnson stirred up discussion in a small segment of fundamentalism now becoming known by its linkage to sharperiron.org (SI). Those of us who were there were glad to hear Phil again. Phil’s SI friends and foes alike think he’s got an island. It looks like paradise to some and many think Phil is settling a new world. They’re saying, “Let’s hear Phil again.” But many on SI think that Phil is marooned and they have clearly had their fill of Phil again. The island is symbolic, and what it actually symbolizes is the heart of the argument. So, without further ado, I have officially dubbed the controversial patch of evangelicalism/fundamentalism “Phil Again’s Island.”

I actually threw a rope over to his island and pulled myself on to Phil Again’s Island fighting the mainstream all the way, landing in a lesser known region of the island, a green pasture-land called The Shepherds Conference. When I arrived I got my shoes polished, a boiled egg, and Phil personally gave me a Pyromaniac decal, my reward for braving the tempestuous waters to swim my way to Phil again. I have never been more flattered by such an honor, and if I can find that decal, I might keep it. It might actually make a good souvenir that could be framed for future bragging rights. I was actually in the very presence of Captain Phil again. I might hang it right alongside my plaque from Bob Jones University (one of my all-time favorite places) that proves I was a keynote speaker at one of their missions emphasis weeks. (I’m not sure where that is either. It is rumored that they have sent some of their SWAT Campus Security Agents to steal it from me in order to take away my certificate of proof that I spoke two days in a row on that campus. Maybe that’s why my office is trashed. Here I was thinking that is was my disorganization. Oh, well. . . Once again, I prove the blessing of disorganization. I don’t know if I have been attacked or if this is normal.) Anyway, assuming that decal shows up again, I will be sure not to hold it in my bare hands as I already have lest I wipe away the finger prints of Phil again, the only real tangible proof that WE WERE SO CLOSE THAT WE ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE DECAL AT THE SAME TIME, BROTHERS! It is the only irrefutable evidence that I was in the presence of Phil again. Rumor has it that it makes some money on EBay, so if need to take my wife to the Outback I might sell it too. So many options.

Anyway, there was an event on the island taking place dubbed Fundamentalism: Dead Right, Part Two, but more accurately labeled by insiders simply as “Phil Again.” I had to hear Phil again because he was talking about things happening in the mainstream that splashes around my private island. I was on his island for rest and relaxation in the green pastures of Shepherds, but one must never go to Phil Again’s Island without hearing Phil again. So I decided to go hear Phil again on “Phil Again.” To my ecstatic delight, I found myself in the presence of Phil again for a live presentation of the famed “Phil Again” speech. Yes, brothers. I was so, so close. I was so close to the lectern to hear the fabled speech on fundamentalism according to Phil again that if Phil had expectorated, I would have gotten doused by Phil again. Thankfully, he didn’t.

Some people think of Phil as a mean-spirit person who is bedeviled by a polemical rash that is only relieved by rubbing fundamentalists the wrong way and screaming at passing ships in the night. If you think that, you need to consider Phil again because one gets the distinct impression that Captain Phil doesn’t really have as much of an issue with fundamentalists as he does with kooks. Kooks, he thinks, just happen to be on the passing ships in the night.

Phil’s first speech (2005) was excellent. Phil Again (2006) was mildly disappointing to me. It was so benign, it was almost boring. In my mind, Phil was not Phil again. But I think that if Phil had been Phil again, he would have so vexed all those people who have had their fill of Phil again that they would have probably written him off for good, never to listen to Phil again. There’s diplomacy at Phil Again’s Island, Folks! And Phil’s diplomacy was clearly aimed at a particular group of river men fundamentalists whose crafts hover very close to Phil’s island.

As I sat there listening to Phil again, it dawned on me that anyone in the room who was black fundamentalist, IFCA fundamentalist, GARBC fundamentalist or – er – an authentic fundamentalist would have been quite lost by Phil again. Phil’s kind mention of Bauder and Minnick and others highlighted a very small group of fundamentalists that thousands of others have not heard of or known. Phil Again’s Island clearly has an olive grove, because Phil was extending an olive branch. There is no doubt about it. (I shall speculate why in a minute.) After many minutes of bleeding heart diplomacy, there was issued three statements of the obvious that were so generally aimed that no one was hit. However, though I was mildly disappointed (who wants to see a tamed Phil?), I was duly impressed by the political acumen of an islander like Phil in reaching out to river men.

Phil’s goal was never to destroy boats. Phil’s goal is to promote islands.

I will explain, but first let me display my own island and river knowledge, by deftly dealing with the question of Phil’s right to speak on the subject.

Some people take issue with the fact that anybody on the river should have to listen to Phil in the first place, much less to Phil again. The argument has been postulated that Phil was an unknown critic of river men who was launched out of island anonymity by the Protestant Orange Platform (known to some as Sharperiron.org, abbreviated as POP by others for pop fundamentalism). Whether it’s a boat or a floatie is hotly debated, but everybody on the river knows about it. And some people think that the only reason Phil now has Sharperiron fame is because of Sharperiron. Well, duh. How else does anyone else become famous at Sharperiron? It could even be reasonably argued that if it hadn’t had been for sharperiron.org, sharperiorn.org would not have been known. (Only the KJV-onlyist on SS 1-2-3 could not see that logic. They contend that the Apostle Paul used baptistboard.com and that is what they are going to stick to come hell or high water.) But in cyber-reality it is a given that anybody that speaks at sharperiron.org ultimately gets sharperiron.org recognition. It seems reasonable, then, that anyone who has earned recognition at sharperiron.org (which happens to be one of the most visited evangelical/fundamental blogs in existence and touts itself to be an organ for fundamentalist opinions) would naturally be recognized as a participant in the conversation. Therefore, Phil the islander is heard by all the river men that dock at the POP. There is no membership card that authorizes one speaker prominence over the other. There’s only recognition. Unfortunately, many of the seminaries and colleges have yet to recognize this. One in particular has, I must say. Yet that was apparently just in the nick of time.

Nonetheless, it is not Phil’s sharperiron.org credentials that have gained for him an audience. There is another much more significant appeal to Phil, and the appeal was not lost even with Phil Again. The controversy rages as to what it is that actually makes fundamentalists of Minnickistic, Bauderian, Doranian, Jonesist sympathies (a small, but vocal segment of fundamentalism who have the majority on the POP dock) listen to Phil once, much less to Phil again. There are several reasons. And the variance of opinions is so stark as to which one is more significant than the other that in the interest of peace, I present them here to you in random order:

1. Phil Again’s Island beams out the most-like-us radio personage on the air today, John MacArthur. He is so revered in our circles that there are a number of documented occasions when – hold your breath, everybody – he has been quoted without disclaimers. This fact alone gives credibility to Phil again.
2. Phil’s red Hawaiian shirt.
3. Phil’s questionable sanity to have even launched a discussion critiquing fundamentalism in the first place. This is certainly an attention grabber.
4. Phil’s verbalization of the plaints of the many storm-beaten “mainstreamers” and castaways of the SS 1-2-3 that got marooned on Phil Again’s Island.
5. Phil’s accurate depiction of SS 1-2-3, smaller vessels, and all other floaties.
6. Phil looks like Spurgeon if you squint one eye and tip your head to a sharp left angle. Spurgeon, of course, is the only 5-point Calvinist that is universally admired by free-will fundamentalists everywhere. It is highly probable that today’s contemporary Spurgeon look-alike has an almost irresistible lure over young impressionable fundamentalists.
7. Phil is dead right.

I think that all of the reasons are valid to some degree or another. However, as I sat under the Phil Again speech in a basement room packed with boiled egg loaded men, the real reason came to me with liberating clarity.

The real lure of Phil Again’s Island, is not Phil, nor even Phil Again. It is, my friends, the island. I do not speak of Phil Again’s Island per se. I speak of the concept of an island. Phil called it independence. Independence was his mantra in the original “Phil Infuriates Fundamentalists with Outrageous Common Sense” speech that he delivered last year. I myself have argued eloquently (if I may say so myself since no one else agrees) that the group of fundamentalists with our sympathies (many of whom dock at the Protestant Orange Platform regularly) are victims of a groupthink mentality when it comes to the issues of how close certain boats ought to get to certain islands. There seems to be a great deal of debate as to whether boats who rigidly maintain several degrees of distance from various islands should also, to be consistent, maintain several degrees of distance from other boats in the mainstream like the SS 1-2-3, for instance. There also seems to be a great deal of tension as to how close one boat should be to another boat that is closer to an island than the first one would like to be. Well, I have never been great at spatial geometry, but I have always assumed that it is feasible for boat B to be closer to boat A without being as close to Island C as boat A is. Just because boat A and boat B are close to each other does not mean that there is an equidistance between them and Island C. I think. But I digress.

Where were we? Ah, yes! The lure of Phil Again’s Island: it is an island. Since I am prone to motion sickness, the lure of an island is much more attractive to me than navigating my small vessel in the turbulent wake of the SS 1-2-3, even if I am surrounded by a fleet of excellent, seaworthy craft that bear on their masts the insignias of Doranian, Bauderian, Jonesist, and Minnickistic navigational strategies. I think that is what the Phil was trying to say. I don’t think (as many do) that he is trying to recruit water-logged, castaway disgruntleds for his already populated island. Rather, I think he was encouraging us to settle new islands instead of being drawn in the tow of big ships, particularly the BIG ONE.

I myself realized that my very presence on Phil Again’s Island was because I was actually a man without a fleet or a ship. It dawned on me that I had braved the waves and the ships to swim to Phil Again’s Island because I actually am myself an islander from an island that I had secretly believed existed, but had not really believed was my right to possess. Rejuvenated by the hospitality of Phil Again’s Island and energized by more boiled eggs consumed in one week than I normally consume in a year, I swam back to my beautiful little peninsula that I shall from here on lovingly call Pensees Peninsula.

Pensees Peninsula is a beautiful place, very small, low population, free and well-supplied with no boiled eggs. Fringe lunacy is tolerated. From here we hook up with boats and islands as we see necessary. From here we think we see the developing of many islands. In fact, we think that the SS 1-2-3 is very likely going to run aground on islands. The party will still go on onboard much like people partying on the Titanic, but the actual vessel will eventually lose its powerful wake and tow current because it will be grounded by myriads of little islands, each with its independent thinking and favorite shirt color. In my humble opinion, this is what Phil called for in his first speech. And I don’t think I have to hear Phil again to think that he’d think this a good thing.

I don’t think that Phil thinks that we have to hear Phil again either. Phil Again was a kind, diplomatic word from an islander to river men. It suggested three ideas for river men to ponder:

1. Don’t obsess with the boats and fleets. Know the river instead. Or, distinguish fundamentalism as an idea from fundamentalism as an institution.

2. Don’t refuse to dock someplace just because the guy is wearing a red Hawaiin shirt. Or, distinguish between fundamental and secondary issues.

3. Don’t become an island unto yourself. Or, distinguish between separation and sectarianism.

From this insignificant cove on Pensees Peninsula, that sounds like pretty good stuff.

Think I’ll go look for the decal.